Before I begin my review of the Brat House, I should make clear my allegiances to that glorious establishment. The Brat House is at least (if not more often) a weekly destination for my law school friends and me. We like this place. It’s something close to a problem but less than an obsession. Simply, I love the Brat House and am probably going to overrate it’s burger…BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT!
On second thought, perhaps I should underrate the Brat House in hopes of deterring others from encroaching on our Old World Sanctuary. Right? Maybe? That might work if more than 9 people read this (8 of those people probably make frequent Brat House pilgrimages and the other is my mom). So, I won’t hold back in my completely egregious edification of Milwaukee’s Brat House.
Side note: At some point, I realized that I’m really inconsistent with my tense usage. I’ll often switch between past and present tense in the same paragraph. That’s Bush League and I apologize, but I don’t have the energy to proof-read enough to weed out my inconsistent tenses, so…um…deal.
The Brat House (over/under 39 times I say “Brat House” in this post?) is a lot like a favorite movie. I can tell you how great it is, and I can force you to watch it, but until you actually experience it you won’t really know. Take Love Actually, for example. Love Actually has been scientifically proven to be the perfect movie. Fact. Don’t question it. Similarly, the Brat House is the best…whatever it is…in Milwaukee. Seriously, but don’t take my word for it.
My burger arrived in the traditional cardboard tray with…um…paper as a lining. The burger isn’t imposing, but is a solid 8 oz piece of beef. I should confess that this is my first burger from the Brat House. Despite my multiple visits and my love of burgers, I had yet to try the burger. Why, you (no one) ask? Because every time I go I get the hot dog. It’s delicious. The House Dog is a 1/4 lb, all beef dog on an AMAZING pretzel bun. But, this isn’t the Milwaukee Hot Dog Blog…it’s the Milwaukee Burger Blog, so I’ll stop opining about The Brat House’s excellent hot dog that you should definitely try multiple times.
This burger has A LOT of bacon. By a lot, I mean 3 slices. That is a great idea. More bacon has never made anything bad. Never. The bacon was very well cooked. I prefer my bacon a little crunchy, and on the chewier side of crunchy (there is nothing worse that taking a bite of a delicious burger and pulling out an entire slab of bacon because it isn’t crunchy enough). Luckily, this bacon is the appropriate mix of crunch and chewy. Excellent.
The bun was pretty good. I like the flakiness (not a word) and it did a good job of absorbing the burger juices (terrible phrase but delicious), but aside from that it wasn’t anything spectacular. It was good. Good is the best word for it. Redundancy.
Aside from being a little overcooked, the burger was really solid. It had/has a delicious smoky flavor, and a really great level of juiciness. My complaint is only on how the burger was cooked. It was pretty grey on the inside, and didn’t really have any red anywhere to be found. To the Brat House’s credit I didn’t ask for my burger to be cooked in any specific manner, and it was an appropriate level of medium-well.
The real star of the Brat House (aside from the GIGANTIC pretzel…I’m serious, this thing is gigantic. It’s the size of a pizza) is…are…the cheese curds. They are delicious. I love you, Wisconsin. You and your delicious curds are a thing of beauty. Thank you for accepting me into your cheese-curd-loving state.
On to the review.
Beef (1-5): 3
– This 1/2 lb patty was juicy, smoky, and a little overcooked. If you like your burger medium or medium rare, make sure to ask. Nonetheless, this is a really solid, medium-well patty.
Bun (1-5): 3
– A relatively unforgettable bun, but I really like it’s flakiness. Buns are the only time that “flaky” is a compliment.
Cheese (1-5): 3
– All cheddar cheese is good. Unquestionable fact.
Bacon (1-5): 5
– Combine 3 slices of bacon with perfectly cooked bacon, and you’ve got some seriously delicious bacon. Bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon.
Cheese Curds (1-5): 1000
– I love these cheese curds. They aren’t quite on the level of Palomino, but they’re still fantastic. A ratings system cannot contain these cheese curds.
– The Brat House is a glorious place. I want to be a hipster and prevent you from going, but I won’t do that. Go, enjoy, and thank me later.
– The Brat House’s burger gets a 3 out of 5. Solid.